1 Monthiversary In Belfast!

Hey friend!

The manic working of the last few days has died down and I can finally get back to the blog so of course I have writer's block! I have a list of about 15 or so blog ideas in my planner and not one of them is calling to me to be written today, typical! Although as we've just ticked over to September that means I've officially been living here a month, so perhaps a blog to celebrate that and also reflect on what's been going on over here is in order. :)

I guess the most obvious place to start is our living situation. We're still living with family friends while a lot of complicated back and forth goes on with the house, but we should have news by the end of the week there. Hopefully we're not being too disruptive, I'm doing my best to tidy around each day and minimise the chaos I usually cause working from home! While we're here we're just focusing on saving as much money as possible to get a nice buffer behind us and also doing as much as we can to be ready when we do move.

I'm still on a bit of a decluttering spree. Not on such a big scale, but being surrounded by our things certainly makes you realise how much of it you don't really use that often. Having cycled through mostly the same clothes for 2-3 weeks while my case was in storage I have a much better idea of what I do and don't wear. There's some stuff I really missed having, or clothes for special occasions that need to be kept, but some of my summer wardrobe didn't even make it out once this season and they'll be going to charity very soon!

Health wise things are slowly improving - I'm coming to the end of my steroids soon (just 3 weeks to go!) and their side effects are slowly wearing off. I have gained a bit of weight since starting them and my sleep has been quite disrupted, but both of those are getting more under control as the dose reduces. :) I'm generally in less pain and starting to get my energy back too, so yay!

As for living in Belfast, I'm loving it! We haven't had a chance to explore as much as I'd like yet, weekends always seem to get eaten up with errands or we're so tired we just want a chill day. But we have done a few walks in Hazelbank Park and visited Carrickfergus Castle which was cool. :) I'm getting on well with all of Chris's friends too so we spend evenings with them pretty frequently playing games. Yesterday was the first time I had a touch of homesickness really and it was more to do with not being able to pop round to see people than anything. Communication hasn't really changed since I got here - I still get to spam everyone daily on Facebook, haha!

Riggle is settling in well too. She loves her new cage, especially with all the different ladders and platforms for her to climb all over. She still spends all her time climbing onto the roof of her cage then back down again, I'm not really sure what she's hoping to achieve but it's fun to watch! I'm working on another Chronicles of Riggle post but she's tricky to get non-blurry pictures of...

We're off to Bristol for the weekend and I'm really looking forward to seeing everyone. Mum is away on holiday which sucks, but I'll be catching up with friends and most of the fam while I'm back. I'm excited to show Chris a little more of Bristol too, since I wasn't well enough to do much other than pack when he last came over. We'll be enjoying the Chilli Festival, going to one of my favourite restaurants and maybe some other bits and pieces too if there's time. :)

Then once we're back there'll definitely be more exploring to get done! We'll (hopefully) have an idea of when we'll be moving, plus Kassi will be visiting in a few weeks as a birthday treat so there'll be adventures there too. I had very few doubts before I moved over here (I currently can't think of any but there must have been some), but now I definitely have no regrets. I'm super happy here and once I can really indulge my homemaking side it can only get better!

So here's to Month Two in Belfast. I can't wait to see what it brings!

What did you get up to in August? Let me know in the comments!

Love,
Ami
xx

A New Chronic Illness

Hello again!

I've alluded to a new chronic illness a number of times in recent blogs, so it's time to actually explain myself. It's not really a mystery (and people who read the new blog description might have already spotted it!) but with so many ideas and topics to cover since relaunching the blog I didn't want to overwhelm you with essays too soon. And let's face it, even my short blogs are kindof essays already! This one really is a long one though, so much happened in such a short space of time and I don't want to skip anything in case it's useful for other people with similar experiences, so you may want to grab a cuppa and get comfy...

Jumping straight to the "big reveal", at the end of July I was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease; an inflammatory bowel condition that can cause a whole host of symptoms that are less than fun. You get phases called Flare Ups, similar to Endometriosis, where your symptoms are worse and you generally need to be under the care of a specialist team during this time (though not necessarily in hospital) and phases of Remission where you're in better health. Another similarity to Endo is that peoples' experiences of Crohn's vary widely - some enjoy normal health during remission whereas others still struggle with a variety of issues and flare ups can range from digestive issues that are treatable with drugs to severe complications that can result in surgery.

So far I have only had one flare up - which resulted in my diagnosis - so I can't really say which of these categories I'll fall into yet. My flare up has been quite bad, lasting a number of months with quite a lot of the 'classic' symptoms making an appearance (including swollen and blotchy ankles and a severe sensitivity to light in one eye - not something you'd expect of a largely digestive-based illness!). However it is all being treated with drugs and I haven't had any of the severe complications, so I still count myself lucky in the grand scheme of things.

Early symptoms

Looking back initial symptoms started mid-April, when I noticed some appetite changes such as not being hungry at all and feeling sick whenever I did eat. I was eating between 200-600 calories a day and just couldn't stomach anything more despite knowing it wasn't good for me. At the time I put it down to the stress of my break up, but I now know this is one of the early symptoms of a flare up. Gradually this eased and I didn't think any more of it.

The next sign didn't happen until early June on a visit to Belfast. Without going into too much detail I simply thought I had a stomach bug and didn't feel well, but when the symptoms continued for several weeks it was becoming apparent that wasn't the case. I was also having appetite issues again, with some foods sending me running to the bathroom in minutes and other times I just couldn't face food at all. I'd been gradually losing weight since April already and by the end of the month I had lost 1 stone. I was delighted as it's a goal I've had for a while now, but it was also starting to ring warning bells in my head.

I was also noticing pain in my wrists and ankles - one night my wrist even swelled up for no reason - this was something I'd experienced after having tonsillitis before but I thought it was unusual to be happening without an accompanying virus...

Heading to the doctor

Upon leaving Belfast in mid-July I started suffering from what I assumed was a cold that I'd caught from Chris - in my mind this explained the joint pain, but I really wasn't having much luck! I saw my doctor about the stomach bug symptoms but failed to get anything else checked as I was sure the cold would pass on its own. She thought I was suffering from a bad IBS flare up. I didn't agree as it was nothing like any IBS issues I'd experienced before, but as samples were being sent for testing "just in case" anyway I didn't bother to argue. I was also sent for a blood test at the same time to check up on inflammation and see how my anaemia was doing (this becomes relevant a little later in the story).

Within a few more days I had what I was now certain was the flu - a fever had joined the mix, I wasn't sleeping and I'd started vomiting. Plus I'd waved goodbye to my appetite once and for all, struggling to keep sips of water down. My joints were all swollen or sore and my left ankle had reached more than twice it's normal size, with purple bruising appearing on the sides and sole of the foot. I had 14 ulcers lining the insides of my lips and on the day I finally decided it was time to head to the out of hours doctor about the vomiting my eye had become so bloodshot and sensitive to light I had to wear sunglasses indoors and cover the eye to leave the house.

As you can imagine I was not a happy bunny. By this stage I was only able to lie pathetically wherever someone helped me get (usually the sofa) and my mum was acting as full time carer - bringing me fresh water, food when I wanted to attempt it and doing her best to help when I was sick.

The nurse I saw in out of hours was a huge help, prescribing me an anti-sickness drug that thankfully stopped the vomiting and was the first to suggest that Crohn's might be my issue. She suggested I head back to my GP urgently and relay my new symptoms to them (this was already the plan, but now I could tell the receptionist a medical professional had told me it was an emergency so she couldn't ask "Are you sure it's urgent?" in that annoying skeptical voice she has...).

The next day at the GP only some of my samples were back and while they looked suspicious it wasn't quite enough to confirm Crohn's just yet. I was given some more advice to help me cope with the symptoms and given another appointment 2 days later to give the lab time to finish everything. It was also at this point that I found out my anaemia had reached pretty dire levels and the doctor was pretty worried about it (at this stage I should mention this was a different doctor to my usual one who I see when mine is fully booked). I was given iron tablets and a repeat blood test, but as I wasn't keeping anything down I had to hold off on taking them for the moment.

The diagnosis

Jump forward to my next appointment and things got a little dramatic. The results were in and my doctor had even called a Gastro specialist to discuss what to do with me - they were now pretty sure Crohn's was the right diagnosis and I was packed off to A&E for some tests there and then. Until this point I'd known I was ill, but I wasn't particularly worried. I'm no stranger to severe symptoms and dramatic illnesses, they always work themselves through and after I'm left wondering what the fuss was about. But on my way out the other doctor caught me for a chat and the concern both of them had for me really hit home how serious this was. I now know that it's because I could've had a blockage in my bowel, which thankfully wasn't the case, but at the time it really spooked me and I became quite disstressed by it all.

In A&E things went from bad to worse. A nurse trying to be 'helpful' sneakily put a cannula in my arm while telling me it was a blood test. Not a good idea for someone with a severe needle phobia I can tell you! Queue lots of tears as everything just got a little too much for me and I was asked to sit patiently in the hallway until a doctor was ready for me.

Ever the drama queen I promptly fainted in the hallway - giving them just enough warning that two nurses managed to haul me into a bed before I went completely out. Admittedly this might have been a little extreme, but it did mean I got to a bay and seen by a doctor faster than it would've otherwise happened!

After talking through my symptoms I was sent for an X-ray of my abdomen (clear) and it was discussed whether I should be kept in overnight or not. It was touch and go, but they managed to secure me an appointment with the Gastro specialist the next day and that sealed the deal on my ticket home for the night. I was to come back first thing for an iron transfusion (something I'd been arguing for since December, result!) and to see the specialist who would decide what to do with me.

The next day we arrived bright and early - entirely unnecessary as everything was running late as usual and it was 3 hours until we saw the specialist. More discussing of symptoms and while I had a verbal diagnosis of Crohn's confirmed, we needed to do all the tests that would tick the official boxes... ideally before I moved to Belfast in just 11 days. They told me to leave it with them, so I had my iron transfusion and went home to start the steroids they'd given me and wait for the appointments to roll in.

Nothing happened over the weekend except for steroids and the first signs of recovery - a little scrambled egg here, less swelling there.. I was still weak and being cared for, but it was a start. Then I got my timetable through for the following week and it looked like this:

Monday: Riggle went to the vets for her check up (even when your baby is furry you put illness aside to take care of them!) plus an emergency trip to the GP about my vision going completely blurry. Apparently a known complication of steroids and something that should ease over time.. still waiting for it to be 100% normal as I write though!

Tuesday: An MRI of my small bowel, the 3rd cannula in less than a week.

Wednesday: Back to work for a few hours as it was my last day and I couldn't face missing out on my leaving lunch! We had a celebratory meal with everyone from work and it was also the first time I ate an actual meal instead of a snack, woohoo! It was also time for cannula #4 for the second installment of my iron transfusion.

Thursday: A day at home to finalise packing (yes, through all of this I was trying to pack boxes with huge help from Momma M and Nan) and take a whole host of drugs in preparation for...

Friday: Cannula #5 and my first (and hopefully last) colonoscopy. It was also the day Chris arrived to help me pack up and move!

As you can see it was a busy week for me! It was hugely overwhelming in every sense of the word and I'm taking a moment out here to say a massive thank you to Kassi, Nan, Chris and especially Momma Marshall for the support they gave me that week. I literally couldn't have done it without them as I would've been a pile of mush on the sofa! From packing boxes, feeding me, listening when I needed to rant it out and even doing my make up so I didn't feel like a complete zombie, they did everything they could to take the pressure off and help me cope with all that was going on, so thanks guys, love you! <3

What next?

Here we meet up with the blog all about moving day so I'll leave the story there as far as timelines go. As for what's next for me medically, the first step is that a specialist will be reviewing all the results from the tests and I assume giving me a final, official tick on the diagnosis. In the meantime I'm in the middle of registering with a new GP over here in Belfast who will then get my notes and my shiny new diagnosis and in theory pair me up with an Inflammatory Bowel Disease Team (IBD Team for short) at the nearest hospital. From there it's all a mystery to me. My understanding is that the IBD Team will be able to give me more information about ongoing management of the condition, information about if/when/how I can get a job over here and how to tell my employer etc. so I'm really just waiting on that now! And taking my steroids of course.

On the health front I'm finally starting to feel close to normal again. There are some lingering symptoms and the side effects of the 'roids are taking some getting used to, but I'm back to looking after myself at last and my appetite has returned with a vengeance, haha!

And now I can stop alluding to a mystery diagnosis, because now you know! Being a predominantly digestive-related illness, there is a dietary element for me to learn about which at first filled me with dread but I'm now actually looking forward to. There's a lot of overlap with the Endometriosis diet and in general it's mostly about keeping up nutrition and not losing too much weight too fast during flare ups, so it's not going to be terribly strict. More an education in even healthier eating, which can only be a good thing!

In terms of the blog I'll be sharing any helpful information related to that journey, as well as any tips for keeping healthy and coping with symptoms where I find them. (note: as always these will be my experiences and not medical advice - never try anything without the help and advice of your doctor!)

So... questions? Comments? Experiences from people who've shared a similar journey? I'm completely new to this so I welcome any and all advice!

I'll wrap things up here because this is possibly one of the longest blogs I've ever written and Chris is waiting to plan food with me, haha! So until next time my friend...

Love,
Ami
xx

7 Things To Remember Or Plan When Moving House

Howdy!

I did have a different post planned for you today, but due to some changes to our plans I'm writing something new instead of the post I had scheduled, how exciting!

Up to now we've been waiting to hear from our landlord about when the house sale is going to complete and therefore we can get the keys to move in. We're not sure what the hold up is, but the date has gone from the end of July to an unknown at the moment, although we're assured it's imminent - possibly any day now.

At the same time Chris's mum has been preparing to move house too and initially that was going to happen a week or two after we'd left. But as time has gone on the two dates have got closer to each other and we've now reached the point that she's going to be moving before we get our keys - ie tomorrow. Yep, tomorrow. We only found that out this morning too - it was meant to be Friday but for whatever reason, we now have to move along with his mum to her new house first thing in the morning.

"Ami, why are you blogging instead of packing, you crazy woman?!" I hear you ask.

Well, two reasons. Firstly, I am about to be going without internet for an unknown amount of time. We can't arrange a supplier until we have a move date and they'll probably take at least a week or two (I'm being optimistic) to get us all hooked up. So I need to get all the work I can in now before I have to find cafes and generous friends to let me use their WiFi. Trust me to re-launch the blog right as my net disappears! Secondly, the blog I plan to write is going to help me get my head organised just as much as it's going to help anyone else who is moving house - whether it's as rushed as ours is going to be or a well-thought-out process!

So here we go... 7 things to remember or plan when moving house! I've skipped the obvious things and gone for the little bits and pieces that sometimes get forgotten in the chaos of a move.

1. Pack yourself a weekend bag

This is possibly the hardest thing for us as we don't know how long we're gonna need to live out of a suitcase, but usually when you move home you'll have things organised within 2-3 days at least to a stage where you'll have essentials set up. Until then it's a great idea to have a bag packed with a few days of clothes, toiletries, things like your laptop, phone, MP3 player, chargers etc. Basically pretend you're going on holiday for a few days and pack for that.

2. Pack yourself a bed!

Sounds odd, but in the confusion of moving you might forget the obvious things you'll need when moving is over... like bedding. You might be organised enough to have the bed set up by night time or it might be a blow up mattress/nest on the floor, but none of that will matter if you packed up and promptly lost the bedding. Keep this with your weekend bag and you'll at least be cosy when you collapse into bed at night.

3. Have food planned for the first few days

Moving day is stressful enough without having to worry about unpacking your kitchenware and cooking something. It might even be a few days before you get to unpacking everything you need in the kitchen if you have to work, or other more important boxes to get emptied. This is why it's a great idea to have a few meals cooked in advance - simply move them from one fridge to the next on moving day and make sure to unbox the microwave. Eating directly from the tupperware is fine, so all you'll need is cutlery. You could just eat takeaways for the weekend, but if you're on a budget this is a great way to keep things super simple and stress free!

This is exactly what we're planning to do - we usually make batch meals and keep leftovers for lunch the next day, but we're keeping last nights' leftovers and any from tonight to feed us tomorrow and Friday night instead. (Now just to work out what we're having for lunch...)

You might also want to have a packed lunch ready for moving day - no one wants to get to the late afternoon and realise they're starving, but need a trip to the local shop for lunch..

4. Have a catch-all area for things you need frequently and don't want to lose

Keys, wallet, phone, chargers, important paperwork and contact numbers will be the first things to get lost with boxes flying everywhere. Your pocket seems like a great place until things start jabbing your hip when you bend or falling out as you reach for things. Instead have a container somewhere near the door where everything can be kept safe - a large tupperware or basket is perfect for this. That way when it's time to close the door and leave you pick up the box on your way out and put it straight by the door (or somewhere easily accessible but safe) in the new place.

5. Pets and small children

Parental duties don't pause on moving day which can add to the stress immeasurably. One way to keep children or fur-babies out of the way on the day is to pack them an activities bag and set them up in a quiet corner, somewhere away from the action but in your line of sight. For kids this can be colouring books or electronic games with a little fruit snack and drink. For pets it will vary by animal - bigger pets you might want to have someone pet-sit for the day, but certainly for Riggle we'll be putting her in a quiet room, giving her plenty of her toys and her wheel, plus some yummy snacks and leaving her to it. She might be kept awake initially, but once the excitement dies down I'm sure she'll go back to snoozing the day away.

Also combine this with tip #1 - pack them a bag to cover the first few days and some bedding for the night too. Nothing worse than getting to bedtime and a beloved toy is missing, or worse still for Riggs.. the bedding itself is in a box downstairs!

6. Important papers, numbers and keeping organised

Moving day comes with a million things to think about and your belongings are just the big, distracting boxes getting in the way of the important stuff. There might be documents to sign, people to keep informed of progress, last minute expenses you don't want to forget.. I briefly mentioned a solution in tip #4 but if you have more than one or two things to keep track of it might be better to invest in a folder for keeping yourself organised. You can have plastic wallets for the important documents, a list of all the numbers you need to hand (suppliers, solicitors, landlords, other people in the chain etc.) and it'll be somewhere you can throw receipts in to remember when the chaos is over.

7. Entertainment

Speaking of suppliers, you could be without your usual home comforts for a while (I'm thinking internet here of course) and you don't want to be left bored. In the run up to the move you could download a box set of a good series you've been meaning to catch up on, some good films, load the Kindle up with books or head to the library.. (nothing that's gonna be taking up extra packing space unless you're fine with carting it all along with you). Don't fall into the trap of thinking Netflix will bridge the gap - Chris has done this twice already forgetting that you need internet to log in!

And there you have it! Now while I go pack boxes, schedule blogs for as long as possible and try to remember my own advice, you head to the comments and tell me if I've missed anything. Any tips from your own experiences?

Until next time (which could be a while, but I'll do my best to find solutions), have a great week!

Love,
Ami
xx

Pack Up The Car, I'm Moving To Belfast!

Ohey friend!

In my last blog I casually dropped in that I've moved to Belfast as if it was no biggie, when really it was quite a spur-of-the-moment decision that happened very quickly. From making the decision to moving was actually under 6 weeks - only 3 of which were spent in Bristol preparing to move (and to be really dramatic, 2 of those weeks I was either too ill to move or in and out of hospital to boot) so you might imagine things were a little hectic!

Not one to skimp on the details, I thought you'd like to know the story of the run up to the move and moving day itself. Once again we're going to skip over the romance element, except to say that it has been chick-flick perfect in it's butterfly-inducing, weepy-eyed soppy-ness. Instead we're gonna jump straight to the the whys, the hows and the journey itself.

The Whys

Aside from wanting to move in with Chris there were a few other reasons that this move made sense to me. Like I mentioned before, I've never lived outside of Bath & Bristol, which seem quite big until you look at the much, much bigger picture. I'd call myself pretty adventurous, but I know that in reality I'm rather timid and my adventures are limited to my comfort zone (or a teeny bit outside it at best). Moving not only away from my family but away from the country I was born in altogether is by far the biggest and scariest thing I've done and that can only be a good thing for me.

It also comes at a stage in my life where things are very open. I was (and still am) only working 6 hours a week for Discover Your Bounce, along with a few other clients that still only add up to a small amount of my time. I was moving back in with the 'rents, so I had no ties to bills, contracts or major responsibilities - not something you experience often! So all in all I was full of possibility and the world was my oyster! My job has come with me - I do all of my tasks virtually so there was no issue on the income front. In time I may get something part time here too or expand my virtual hours, but I'm lucky that it's not essential. I'm planning lots of visits back to Bristol and everyone is excited about visiting here, so seeing my loved ones is not the issue I originally worried it might be either.

What I'd really like to do is focus more time on getting this blog running again and making money on here. I had a little success in the past with this so I've got somewhere to start. :)

The Hows

When it became clear that we were going to be spending a lot of money on flights (and delaying flights when we didn't want to part) the actual decision to move was a rather obvious one. I booked a slightly longer visit (and then extended it by another week while I was here) and we started the house hunting process.

Housing is way cheaper here than in Bristol so we were looking for 2 bedroom houses close-ish to Chris' work. While a lot of them fit our requirements, very few lived up to expectation and a lot of estate agents expected us to have all of the paperwork ready to go the second we were ready to apply. This wasn't something we were prepared for and a lot of my stuff was still in Bristol - past experiences had said I would have time to supply all of it at a later date so I didn't think to bring it just for the viewing phase.

As fate would have it someone Chris knows is in the final stages of buying a rental property that ticks all of our boxes and then some, plus it's absolutely beautiful, so at the last minute we had somewhere to move when I returned with a car full of my belongings.

And I really do mean a car full of my belongings. We worked out that by putting the seats down the back of my car would fit 8 stackable boxes, 1 large suitcase and 2 cabin bags, plus anything we could squeeze into the gaps. So my task was to either sell, give away or throw out anything that would not fit into that space. It took a monumental effort, but with the help of my family I actually succeeded. There is now 1 box of my things at mum's to be brought at a later date, but everything else is gone or in Ireland and I consider that one of our biggest achievements to date! We didn't manage to get a good picture of the car loaded up but I promise you there was not a single gap left when we were done. Chris even had to save me at one point from falling debris - it was stacked right to the backs of our chairs! Here's a selfie I took from the Port before we got on the ferry:

Happy, smiley people!

You might be wondering why we would go to this much trouble when I could've just shipped my stuff over and hopped a one hour flight. You see, I haven't introduced you to the newest member of my family yet and she wasn't someone I would be willing to leave behind. It is with absolute delight that I introduce you to Riggle!

Just look at that face!

Riggle is a Syrian Hamster who has been with me for 10 months now and she is very aptly named. She's a little lightning bolt with the quirkiest of personalities and there was no way I was going to Belfast without her, which meant we would need to travel by car and ferry.

Not wanting to leave her unattended in the car for too long we opted to take a longer drive (7 hours) but shorter ferry (2 hours 15), meaning we had to drive to Cairnryan Port in Scotland. That is no mean feat I am telling you, especially when I was suffering from intermittent blurry vision due to medication and recovering from a week of medical experiments.. I mean tests.

The Journey

But on 31st July at 11am that's exactly what we set off to do with Riggle in a carry case on the passenger's lap. Not wanting to burden Chris with all the driving I took the first stint, while my eyesight was reliable and my energy at it's peak. I was hoping to last 2 hours, unsure I'd even make 1 but in the end I managed to rack up half of the drive myself - a whole 3.5 hours in the drivers seat! It doesn't sound like much, but I was really pleased with myself (and very tired).

Chris took the second half of the drive and we made it to the port with half an hour to spare. Chris gets a special high five at this point because the playlist he set up for us (full of 90s classics and roadtrip must-haves) was only 2 songs short of being long enough for the entire journey and that's an achievement all of its' own!

The ferry ride was uneventful - we had some food, wandered the shops and settled in the lounge until it was time to head back to the car. Leaving Riggle in the car was tough for me - I worried she would get too hot or too thirsty and the trip would be too much for her, but she was a little star and was alert and waiting for us when we got back. I've got a whole blog coming up dedicated to travelling long distances with hamsters as there's more to consider than you think!

The port is only a 15 minute drive from Chris's mum's house (where we're staying while the sale on our new home completes) so it was a quick drive and then the reverse of our morning - unpacking all the boxes and building Riggle a cage so she could sleep for the night.

Tired, boiling hot and giggling like children at how everything had somehow worked out, we eventually landed in bed at 1am.

It's been a week since I arrived now and things are going as smoothly as I could've hoped. There have been challenges (sleeping with a hamster in your room is not something I recommend) and learning lessons (finding a GP is harder than it looks if you want them to have a specialist interest in your conditions - another post for another day) but also lots of laughter and not a moment of regret.

So there you have it! I hope you had as much fun reading the story of my move to Belfast as I had trying to keep it this short. My wordy blogs have not improved with time it seems, although I promise I have some shorter ones planned for you too!

Until next time my dear..

Love,
Ami
xx

Relaunching The Blog!

Howdy! Hi! Hello?

After such a long hiatus from writing it's difficult to know how to start once again. Do I carry on like you're all old friends and we simply lost touch? Start fresh as I'm sure there's no one checking back for new content anymore? Should I apologise for my absence, pretending for a moment that anyone really noticed or cared? Or just brazenly carry on like nothing happened and the last year didn't really exist? I've gone with ramble on like a mad woman, so nothing has really changed in all this time has it?

You can guess from the title why we're here; I've decided to revamp the blog and breathe some new life into it. There are a million different reasons I stopped writing in the first place, but there's one main reason for restarting it: I've moved to Belfast! In fact, it was just a week ago.

Crazy right?

Hold Up...

So I should probably rewind a bit and explain for those who actually have read the blog before, or for any crazy people who have gone through the archives and want to understand the big jump in time, location and situation. (I doubt anyone other than me does this, but you never know..)

Earlier this year I split with my fiance Tom and moved in with my grandparents while my parents got my old room ready for me - a new paint job, a new bed, just to make it feel a little less like a backward step, y'know? I won't go into the details - this isn't a gossip blog after all. All you need to know is that it was for the best for both of us and we remain friendly, if not friends.

A huge amount happened during that time - a big family trip to Arizona, health issues that I'll discuss in another blog (I picked up a new chronic condition!), new friends were made and old ones were lost, and then there's Chris. We've been friends as long as I can remember (okay, 9 years if you want specifics) and he's always been incredibly supportive and generally awesome to me. You can tell where this is going can't you? I'll save you the rom-com style girl-falls-for-best-friend story and skip to the obvious; we are now together and you guessed it, he lives in Belfast. And now so do I.

"But Ami!" I hear you cry.. "Isn't that a bit fast?"

Why yes, opinionated stranger, it is a bit fast. But hey, life's too short and all that right? I mean, we've known each other 9 years so it's a new romantic relationship but not a new relationship in the slightest. And having spent my entire life living in the very small bubble of Bath & Bristol, I thought it was time I went on a little adventure and spread my wings. Belfast seems as good a place as any for an adventure if you ask me!

What This Means

Essentially it means I'm blogging again, but there's a little more to it than that. I'm not just picking up where I left off, I'm working on all new topics and trying to make things a lot more interesting for you guys than they were in the past. There will still be elements of the old stuff - I still love cooking and want to continue bringing you recipes that are endometriosis-friendly. I'm still planning homemade gifts, so you'll still get guides on those (if they turn out well at least..) and of course I'll carry on updating you with the more interesting elements of my life.

New elements will be related to travelling as that's one of our major goals this year: we're gonna be saving up over the next 18 months and then setting off on some kind of soul-searching adventure hopefully in 2018. So expect savings tips, planning tips, musings on the philosophy of travel and all those other obnoxious posts that people who travel share, because I'm nothing if not a stereotype!

I'll also be sharing my experiences of moving to a new country! Even though I've only moved within the UK you'd be amazed at all the things you need to think about and plan for and the things that aren't as straightforward as you'd think. Example: did you know you can only have a Tesco current account if you have a mainland UK address? I only found out while trying to switch to them (clubcard points, yo) that I can have their online saver account, but their current account will be forever out of my reach. Random, right?

I'll still be writing about my experiences with Endometriosis, fundraising for Endometriosis UK and all the wonderful things that come with it, along with new topics for my newly diagnosed condition (I really will leave the big reveal to another blog, this one is getting long!) and musings on living with chronic illnesses in general.

Summing Up

So that's all there is to it really. I'll probably aim to post 2-3 times a week at first, aiming for every day always falls short and I'd rather surprise you with bonus posts than disappoint. Hit me up in the comments if you have questions, suggestions, things you'd like to see? Just to say hello even! It's been a while after all.

Much Love,
Ami
xx

Recovering With Adult Colouring Books

Recently my sister got an adult colouring book and I was insanely jealous - especially as she had some brilliantly bright colours that brought the pages to life! I also saw this post from Three Little Buhos about them, which just furthered my need to have one in my life. While I was perusing Amazon and deciding which one to go with, my lovely mum bought me one as a treat for some of the work we've been doing together - I love my fam!

I'm not the only one with colouring envy - upon hearing that mine was on its way Tom said he wanted one, so now he has his own too. :)

I've had a number of people respond with skepticism, asking if it really is that relaxing and some have barely hidden their belief that it's a little childish (I know who you are! :p). But I've also had plenty of people asking where I got it and for recommendations so I knew it would make for a good blog!

In Annie's post (Three Little Buhos) she concentrated on how the books aid with managing stress and depression, but I've found them useful for helping with another health issue: recovering from surgery/chronic pain and fatigue.

As some of you will know I recently had my gallbladder out and it's been taking much long than anticipated to recover. Aside from working, I've not had the energy to do much and it can get very boring when your body can't do as much as your mind! Not only has the colouring been relaxing, it's also been perfect entertainment for when I wanted to do something but wasn't feeling up to a lot.

It's cheered me up to be creating something pretty and colourful when I've felt rubbish and I've been showing everyone my pictures with pride - a bit like a 5 year old really, haha!

We have 2 colouring books at the moment, both of which are nature/animal based as they're perfect for bright colours and creativity. Mine is Millie Marotta's Animal Kingdom* which is full of exotic animals and patterns. The pictures in this blog are from this book. Tom's is Birds & Butterflies by Alice Chadwick* which is exactly what it says! I've been sneakily colouring in some of the butterflies in there and Tom's been working on a masterpiece of a mother bird with all her chicks.

The books are less than £10 each and offer hundreds of hours of entertainment (the tree took me the best part of an hour alone!) so they're well worth the money in my opinion.

Have you got any colouring books, or other hobbies that are similarly restful and relaxing? Let me know in the comments below - and feel free to share some pictures that you've been working on!

Bruisings & Musings

My life has been a series of ups and downs over the last few weeks and it's led me to a lot of contemplating, musing, thinking and all-round brain exercise... Brace yourselves because this is a long one! (It has a point though, promise!)

Let's start with the ups...

I started a brilliant e-course called Make Over Your Mornings which has helped me to create some brilliant bedtime and morning routines and as a result I'm having a lot more productive days. The flat hasn't been this tidy and well-presented as a result of my help (rather than Tom doing everything or me calling in back up!) since before my endo diagnosis. I've got clear and concise goals that I'm making steady progress on (at least some of them anyway...) and I go to bed feeling satisfied now that the day was well spent.

I'm working 3 days a week with Discover Your Bounce* (more on that in a future blog!) and the other 4 days I'm left to my own devices. Some of that time is spent with Tom, family or friends but more of it is spent with Me, Myself & I. And despite all the giant positive steps I've been taking this year, the last month in particular, I'm still getting stuck with the same blocks and thought processes as always. So I wanted to share some musings and see if others feel stuck by the same things? I think I'm working a way through it all, but it'd be interesting to have your input too.

The downs...

I guess the place to start all of this is my biggest down of recent times - last Saturday. I was up bright and early, got Tom off to work and popped into Tesco on my way home to pick up a few things. I was hosting my mum and a fellow new Discover Your Bounce Licensee for the day for our introduction training - something I'd been excited to start for weeks!

With about 10 minutes to go I was setting up one of our fold-away tables, managed to get my leg caught in the framework and over I went. Crashing into the TV stand, falling between the stand and the freezer and landing on an extension lead. Ouch! I burst into tears, assessed that nothing was broken (thank god!) then dragged myself across the living room to my phone to call for mum (what else would you do in that situation?!).

The most impressive bruise is on my hip/thigh, but there are more on my arm and stomach.

The rest of the story goes much as you'd expect - hurting all over, some simultaneously horrific and impressive bruising, ice packs and a few nights of uncomfortable sleeping. But what I didn't expect was the after-effects of extreme exhaustion, mild depression and a general feeling of being unwell. Sunday I split my time between laying on the sofa and napping in bed as it was all I was good for. I made it as far as work Monday - Wednesday, but the effort was so great that I had to finish early Wednesday and am only just feeling human again.

All of this leads to my musing...

When will my energy return? When will my sense of fun, mischief and general passion for life be back? I lost it somewhere around 2012 when the first symptoms of endo really started kicking in and since then I've had glimpses of it - days or even weeks when I've felt like "I'm back baby!" only to feel exhausted and burnt out just a short time later.

I've also noticed I hold a lot more anger than I used to and I don't have patience for people. I call them idiots, say they're stupid etc. but really I think it's me. I have so little of "Me-ness" to share that I want to conserve it for those who are important to me. Spoon Theory is based around energy-use for people with chronic pain, equating a spoon to a 'bar' of energy. Most of the discussions I've read/had about Spoon Theory talk about physical activities costing spoons but for me I value my 'mental spoons' even more and if people try to waste them I get very annoyed and angry quite quickly.

Not only that, but my natural defensive state has switched from 'reasonable discussion' to 'shout and deflect'. Quite possibly because I'm already too busy beating myself up mentally for all of my own perceived shortcomings to allow anyone else to say something negative about me. Poor Tom has been the main victim in this - even a simple request for a household task to be done can lead to being shouted at if I'm feeling defensive. Not fun for him!

So why do I feel/act like this when I used to be so different?

Part of me argues "You're getting older, this happens to everyone.", "Your body has been through a lot, try to balance everything instead of pushing it.", "Some people just have more energy than others."

The other part of me argues "Bullshit."

I don't accept that my once-energetic body, that was so full of life and laughter and fun, is now just a bit too worn-down to do those things anymore. That if I want a full day of productivity/activities/having a life that I must balance it with a day of feeling crappy and resting. I don't believe it has to be this way - I mean I'm only 24! I just need to find the right routine/diet/exercise/mentality/whatever that is going to unlock the old me.

I'm getting there. I have more "Me" days than "Not Me" days, where I bother making an effort with my appearance, get some good work done, have a laugh with friends and family, but not enough. Why should I ever feel like I'm not myself?

And I think this is the same for a lot of endo sufferers. I've seen a number of posts when people find the right combination of meds and complementary routines saying they feel back to normal or like their old selves. So it can't just be me here, can it? There's obviously a problem that's even less talked about than endometriosis itself - the knock-on effect it has on your personality.

Over to you!

This is where I want to throw it out to you guys - do you feel like you've changed as a person since you started noticing endometriosis symptoms? Not just the side-effects of hormone treatment (those are a whole hell of their own!) but through the whole process - from first noticing the pains all the way through treatment and beyond. I'd love to hear your experiences, either in the comments or privately in an email if you'd prefer; amirosemarshall@gmail.com

p.s wow, did not think the blog would be this long!

Planning A New Diet

Did you miss me? :) Tom and I went on a short break to Leicester to visit his parents and then on to Manchester for a few days just the two of us. It was lovely - we went to Twycross Zoo, Chester Zoo and The Chestnut Centre (an otter and owl sanctuary in the Peak District) - which I loved, but also highlighted my need to get fit like nothing else could!

The otters spotted breakfast on its way!

Despite stopping frequently to rest and taking plenty of food and drink to keep my energy up, I was still left exhausted and in pain on most of the days (a lot of walking was involved even on non-zoo days). I took naps on any afternoon we were home/at the hotel and was going to bed early most nights but I was still left drained by the end of the holiday and desperate for my own bed!

Alongside all of this happening I've noticed more bloating/some weight gain and the tightening of my clothes, so it's time to do something. I also have a friend who recently broke her leg and is looking to lose weight before her wedding later this year, so we've teamed up to keep each other accountable.

I've made a plan that I'm going to try for the next week to see if I can stick to it and I wanted to share it with you in case anyone wants to try it with me. :)

So here goes...

Breakfast: a fruit/veg smoothie. My plan is to buy fruit and veg in bulk at the start of the week the freeze it in portion sizes ready to blend each morning. (side note: I've tried blending then freezing but they just don't taste as nice.) I'm thinking a basic recipe of gluten free porridge oats, almond milk and then a mix of whatever fruits and veg (spinach/kale will be my sneaky iron intake) I have on hand.

Mid-morning snack: Veg sticks, nuts, raisins etc.

Lunch: Soup. Again, planning to make this in batches and freeze in individual portions to make things super easy.

Afternoon snack: Veg sticks, nuts, raisins. On treat days this is when I'll eat the chocolate too (raw dark chocolate of course!)

Dinner: This is the only meal that will be more flexible as I'll have to accommodate Tom here, but I'll still try to keep it healthy and perhaps reduce my portion sizes.

Drinks: I'll be following the rule "don't drink your calories" and sticking to water, except perhaps some fruit juice or squash if I really need something with flavour! I know people advise lemon/lime in water for flavour, but that just doesn't cut it for me.

I'll try to get more exercise in too to keep up any fitness I gained while we were away, but since #EndoFitPlan bombed miserably I'm gonna concentrate on getting the diet right before worrying about that!

Is anyone else trying to get healthy and lose some weight as summer approaches? (I don't believe in yo-yo diets, but I definitely find myself more motivated when the weather is nicer!) Let me know if you want to create a group for support!

#ChangingFaceOfEndo Day Six

Day Six
Another productive day at work, although my headache is hanging in there. I wish my wisdom teeth would just chill for a bit, haha. I've also spent the evening sorting through stuff ready for our trip to Leicester. It's always surprising how much stuff you need when you go away, even if it's not for long! Pretty much everything I wanted to take was in the wash so now every doorway in our flat has clothes drying, haha. Hopefully it all dries in time!

I'm really bloated again today and craving salty/sugary foods. I'm really not that fussy on what it is. Luckily it's quite well balanced with my extra fruit intake so if I can just cut back a bit it won't be a problem.

About the picture
This was taken during the 'chaos' stage of packing. You can see my laptop playing music in the background (playing the Bellas Final from Perfect Pitch I believe - my current obsession!) and the suitcase I decided was too small and put away shortly after. The weather is so changeable at the moment I'm planning lots of layers and options!

#ChangingFaceOfEndo Day Five

Day Five
Today was a good day. Productive at work and my laptop was fixed and ready for pick-up this morning - a day and a half earlier than predicted. :) Also squeezed in time to watch Game of Thrones before work this morning, so today is going well indeed!

I've noticed my stomach seems to be getting bigger at the moment, possibly down to bad diet and my digestion not being as good. We're getting into the habit of a fresh fruit smoothie each day at work so I'm gonna try to combine that with more veg at home and more water to try and ditch this bloat/extra weight!

About the picture
I'm showing off my 5-way plait because I'm proud of it! It was pinned back to keep my hair off my face as I worked but you can't see it properly there. Also the picture is taken from my laptop once more - a celebration of getting it back! :)

#ChangingFaceOfEndo Day Four

Day Four

I missed two days because my laptop died Friday evening and it's now with the computer doctors. It's forced me to actually do things other than be online. Yesterday (apart from my tours of various computer shops) I spent time with Kassi catching up on Game of Thrones, went to mums to show her the embarassing pictures I retrieved from my old computer and went to visit Nan before it was time to pick Tom up. Then in the evening we went to Rachel's house for a game night. Today I had a film day (4 and a bit films!) and it was nice to relax. Back to work tomorrow, which should be interesting without a laptop.. I have mum's iPad for now but it's difficult to get used to!

On the endo front I possibly over indulged in fatty foods today as I'm feeling quite sick. I've also got a bit of stomach ache. Otherwise everything is good - trying to up my fruit and veg intake to see if it has an effect on my energy. :)

About the picture

I look like I have two black eyes but it's just bad lighting and tiredness! I've straightened my hair for a change and I'm enjoying it for now. It's the longest it's ever been and it's getting to the stage where I just throw it in a messy bun for ease!

#ChangingFaceOfEndo Day Three

Day Three
Today was really productive! I had a good morning getting stuff done at work then an afternoon off with Tom. We went to vote (my first time, woohoo!) then spent the afternoon watching films and relaxing. Note: This Is The End - crap film!

My headache persists, I have a theory that it's to do with my wisdom teeth coming through. The pain in my stomach is improving though which is good news. :)

About the picture
Okay so it's not my face... but I have a jumper with an apple on it and this makes me very happy. It's very comfy and cosy too. Yay!

#ChangingFaceOfEndo Day Two

Day Two
Spent the day half asleep - really struggling with energy at the moment - and only remembered to take the picture as I was going to bed, so I thought this one was quite fitting. I had a headache all day that got worse as the day went on, although it eased off after dinner. Still really enjoying being back at work, it's nice to be feeling productive again!

On the endo front I'm feeling disproportionately tired for the sleep I'm getting and that pulling pain in my stomach has continued. Very weird, but hopefully it's just a pulled muscle and will ease over the next few days.

About the picture
The bear in the picture is Egbert - he's actually one of those teddies that has a microwavable pouch in his tummy. I started using him to help with the endo pain when I went to bed, but now he's just a lovable cuddle buddy.

For details of the #ChangingFaceOfEndo project you can read the explanation post here.

An Unexpected Break

Wow, has it really been a month since our engagement party and my last post? So much has happened since then! Today I'm here to apologise for my absence and explain...

As I write I'm sitting in baggy clothing surrounded by boxes of medication, plenty of entertainment and moving carefully so I don't pull my now-healing incisions. It sounds dramatic, but really the drama has been the last 4 weeks!

On the Wednesday after our party while working at the local business park I became very unwell and rushed home to be sick. I thought  I'd caught a stomach bug, but it lasted a lot longer than 24 hours. I visited my GP on the Friday as I was still being sick and hadn't kept food down in days. She told me to keep hydrated but little else. By Sunday I was going noticeably yellow - even the whites of my eyes(!) - so I headed to the out of hours GP.

I have to pause here and say I've got huge respect for the NHS 111 service, who were absolutely brilliant in helping me at every stage of this journey.

Following the GP visit was a trip to the hospital for blood tests which showed jaundice. We went back Monday for more tests and by bedtime I was admitted to the surgical ward! It turns out my gallbladder was full of stones and a very unhappy bunny indeed. A week after first being sick I was in surgery to have it removed, followed by gallstone removal from my blocked bile duct the next day.

It sounds like the story would end there, but shortly after being released I developed pretty severe tonsilitis. For 2 short days I was starting to eat again, only to be reduced to a liquid-only diet! Some antibiotics for that and another week later I was starting to recover again... only for one of my incisions to open back up! Some more time spent in A & E and it turns out there's a small infection preventing it from closing. I'm coming to the end of those antibiotics but now I've broken the joint on my baby finger! I've no idea how - I was sleeping - but it's the one I broke when I was 17 so it was probably already weak in some way.

And that concludes my dramatic 4 weeks! My incisions are finally closing, my throat is better and my finger will mend in time. I can now get back to working, blogging and raising more awareness for Endometriosis! And speaking of endo, we held an event on Monday to raise money and awareness. I guess I'll have to do a few catch up blogs to bring you up to speed since this one is long enough already!

Now it's time to head to bed (at 8pm!) for some much needed sleep. Anyone else missing a gallbladder, or had an interesting few weeks? Let me know in the comments!

A Change In Direction

I can't believe it's almost a year to the day since I wrote my last blog. So much has happened since then! A quick run down of last year for you, before I get on to why I'm actually writing the first new blog for 12 months...

First things first, I got engaged in September! We were on our first holiday with my family in Spain and Tom proposed at midnight on the roof of our villa in a blanket fort. It was the cheesiest, most romantic thing ever and I loved it. :)

My business was also a rollercoaster - growing impressively fast early in the year then tailing off towards the end. December was hibernation mode for me and January has started with a million and one ideas on how to change my business to reflect me a little better.

My relationship with my family has only grown stronger - our experiences in 2013 really did cement some already pretty awesome friendships. I've also made new friends and gotten closer to existing ones, so 2014 was definitely a good year for relationships all round in my life. :)

But that's enough about life. Onto why I'm writing! And how fitting that it's one year since my last post - completely unintentional I assure you. I'm about to enter the next stage of my Endometriosis journey, having some scans to check up on everything and then (all being well) having the Mirena coil removed. This is partly to start the journey of having a family, although I think that one will still take some time, but more importantly I'm taking a much more natural, holistic approach to my endo. My experiences with the diet have been bitter-sweet; when I stick to it everything goes pretty well and I'm largely symptom free still, but if I slip up even slightly it can have some nasty consequences. The first step I'll be taking is to get more strict and more healthy - introducing fitness as well.

What's this got to do with the blog you might be asking? Well I want to document it all. I'll finally be sharing full details of the diet that I failed to finish last time, including recipes I find useful and alternatives to things you can't have on the diet. For example last night I made some caramel cookies that were completely endo friendly. Would you believe it?
I'll also be including any therapies that help, product alternatives to the chemical-filled ones you'll find in supermarkets. exercises that ease pain... all of it. Much like I used to track my eco adventures, I'll now be tracking my endo adventures (with some eco thrown in of course - I haven't changed that much!) in the hopes that it could help someone else going through the same. And the therapeutic effect writing gives me. ;)

I've already got billions of ideas for blogs popping into my head, but I won't be posting everything all at once. If my past unreliability has taught me anything, it's to pace the blogs and have some prepared in advance, so that's what I'm off to do!

If you have any questions about endo, the diet, recipe requests - anything at all - just leave them in the comments and I'll be sure to respond! :)

Reflection - My Story

I'm awake. Awake and in pain. A familiar yet unfamiliar pain that I haven't felt in almost 5 months now.

Rather than get annoyed, I find myself reflecting on the last year and all it's brought me.

12 months ago I was experiencing just the beginning of what would soon become daily agony. I didn't know that I was soon to experience crippling pain that would have me sleeping on the living room floor wrapped in heat pads and blankets, on the strongest painkillers the doctors would give me, all in the hope of an hour or two of sleep before work. Pain that bloated my body and made every day a surprise of whether I'd make it to the end of the work day. Weekly osteopath appointments would just about keep me standing with the back pain and weekly doctor appointments would become more and more frustrating as my suffering fell on deaf ears.

9 months ago was the start of the pain. After 3 months of particularly bad 'womens problems' the pain was no longer just a symptom of an (extended) 'time of the month'. The pain became my month - all of it. And then it became two months. Then three and finally four. Four months of pain that was completely unexplained and the doctor settled upon IBS as the diagnosis from Day One. When each drug didn't work I was given another. Diet advice. Pain relief. No offer of an alternative diagnosis, further testing or anything that would've looked into the real cause.

7 months ago came the first blood test. The first admission that it might not just be IBS. By this point I hadn't slept in weeks and I was so bloated I looked 6 months pregnant. Work was becoming a struggle and I was starting to suffer depression from the constant pain. That blood test showed I had signs of infection in my blood, but no antibiotics were offered. Just an appointment in two weeks time for another blood test "to see if it's gone."

6.5 months ago came blood test number two. All my hopes pinned on this one - something had to show. Something that would explain everything. But life stepped in before I got those results.

Sunday 28th July I was in agony - even more so than usual and I couldn't even sit still. My blanket of heat pads didn't cut it and I rang the NHS advice line to find out what my options were at 9pm on a Sunday night. Within an hour I was at Frenchay Hospital Out of Hours GP seeing a lovely doctor who was probably the first to touch on the real problem. But he wasn't to be the one who would save me. Being late on a Sunday night he advised I visit my GP the next day. So back to my GP I went, for my blood tests to show more infection. And once more I was given an appointment in two weeks "to see if it's gone."

But Tuesday 30th July changed it all. Sat in my mum's kitchen I was in tears, not because of the pain but because I gave up. My family was outraged at the way I was being ignored, but I was just used to it. My fight left me that morning and I resigned myself to constant pain. I told my mum that someone else would have to fight for me, because I just couldn't anymore.

It's funny how the universe knows when you mean it. And I couldn't have meant it more. I was defeated. Within 30 minutes I was white and throwing up. Laying limply on the sofa an emergency doctors appointment was made  for the afternoon. It's funny looking back that I didn't consider it serious enough for an ambulance even at that point. It was 'just IBS' after all.
That afternoon I saw a different GP. If angels exist she is one of them, because she saved me that day. I had a fever on top of the vomiting and I was sent straight home to pack for Frenchay. Something was very wrong.

At midnight after seeing a number of doctors and being sent to a different hospital I was finally admitted to the Gynae ward in Southmead Hospital with a suspected infection of my fallopian tubes. Tears streamed down my face for most of the night, especially at 2am when my mum had to admit defeat and head home to sleep. It was all just too much.

Wednesday 31st July I got my first glimpse of a real diagnosis. A scan showed two cysts - 8cm and 4cm - one on each ovary. My insides were a puzzle; it took them a lot of searching to find my ovaries in the first place as they were up by my bellybutton, touching in the middle. Blood tests also showed I had not one, but two infections. The one that had caused my fever but also a chronic infection that had been around for at least a month by that time. A very nice consultant gave me the news; it was either an abcess or endometriosis. I was put on antibiotics and watched constantly - if it was an abcess and it burst I'd need emergency surgery, but they wanted to wait until the infection was under control before surgery if possible.

I spent the next few days staying positive, meeting each new patient as they came and went and getting to know the nurses. I've never been more grateful for my family (especially my mum and Tom) as not a visiting hour went by that I wasn't surrounded by people, presents and food.

This time 6 months ago it was Thursday 1st August - the day before the first of two operations that changed my life in so many ways. In every way.

Me with presents after Op #1

On Friday 2nd August an exploratory laparoscopy showed I had Stage 4 (severe) endometriosis. I would need another surgery once the cysts had been shrunk as it was too dangerous to cut them out at that point. I was given Zoladex to put me into a medical menopause for 3 months which would shrink the cysts and conversations delicately skirted around the real fear we all had. Would it affect my fertility?

3 months ago I came to the end of a new hell; the menopause was not kind to me. I was angry a lot of the time, depressed the rest and fighting to see an end to any of it. I'd also started on the Endometriosis Diet and combined with the Zoladex September and October were almost pain free for me. In one way I was so grateful for that relief, but in another the hormones took that gratitude from me as I was too emotional to enjoy it. And it still wasn't a solution. Zoladex was just a stop-gap on the way to the next surgery.

On Friday 22nd November I was admitted once more for another laparoscopy - this time to cut away the cysts and any endo they could get to. They were also checking my fertility and making sure all was working okay. At pre-op I'd been told I would be going home that night, but my consultant said it wouldn't be until the next day at least. So mum went off to work to keep occupied and I was taken off to surgery.

That afternoon I came around just long enough to hear the results before sleeping the rest of the day and night. The cysts were gone but they had bad news about my bowel, which was attached to my fallopian tubes. It was too risky to cut them apart, so they'd been left. And in my haze I almost missed it as the consultant said my fallopian tubes were blocked. I sat in shock and at that point I could only muster a few tears. I didn't believe it. Of all the things I thought they might say, my fertility was the one thing I'd been sure of. As the consultant explained further I just stared at her blankly. Once she was gone I could barely keep my eyes open. I knew I should be talking to mum and Tom, but the pull of sleep was too strong and so I sent them home. Sleep provided me with an escape from all the things I just couldn't cope with right then. The next day I was discharged from the hospital and left to the care of my family.

And now here we are, 2 months on. There are still so many things I'm struggling to come to terms with and I think it'll be a while before I do. But this morning has me reflecting on all the things I've overcome. I'm now pain free, completely. I've lost a stone and everyone tells me I've got my sparkle back. Not only am I back at work, my own business is now 3 months old (yup - started before the op!) and thriving. I've started with a personal trainer to regain the core strength I've lost and I'm improving my diet constantly. I've made new friends along the journey too.

With my cousin and sister at Christmas.

But I think the best reward I've had from all of this is the relationship with my family. The support they've given me brings me to tears. There aren't words to describe what it means to me - my mum and Tom never left my side. Mum with her pep talks, her sympathetic ear and her endless patience in waiting rooms. Tom with his bear hug every time it all got too much, his constant support and his endless patience with my mood swings! Kassi with her sunny outlook on everything and her ability to make me laugh so hard I had to curl into a ball to protect my stitches. My grandparents with their endless generosity, helping me with anything I needed and just being there. And not forgetting my Dad who brought me crisps and Rachel who brought me magazines and distraction. I couldn't have done it without them. I still couldn't. They're my support, my inspiration and what keeps me going.

So there's my story. I don't want your sympathy, that wasn't the point. But now you know a little more about me and why I sometimes need a moment to compose myself or have to excuse myself from plans when I get tired. If you know me I hope it's given you insight into why I've been so absent from a social life lately and if you don't know me, I hope it's given you hope. Or at least been interesting to read for a while.

If you have any questions or stories of your own I'd love to hear them. You can leave a comment below or if it's personal you can email me: amirosemarshall@gmail.com

Thank you for reading.

Christmas Preparations!

Good evening!

Today I wanted to share with you my preparations for Christmas, since the big day is fast approaching! (Seriously, it's December... when did THAT happen?!)

So far the tree is up, Christmas dinner is planned and everything I need to make the girls' presents has been bought. I know what the boys' presents will be, just need to buy in the bits and pieces to make them now! I'll be setting some time aside this weekend to put the gifts together for the girls as I've got our Christmas party coming up on the 14th and I need to leave some fussing time!

I can't pick the element I'm most excited about this year, other than to say it's how all the homemade elements turn out. It's my first year making presents and also cooking Christmas dinner for Tom, Kassi and myself. I can't wait to see reactions to each of the gifts and to have a homely, relaxed Christmas day!

After Christmas I'll be doing a homemade gifts series with How-To Guides on everything I make. Nothing I've chosen is Christmas-specific so you'll be able to use them for any gift-giving occasion. I'll also be sharing my tips and tricks for keeping Christmas low-cost, high-fun based on my experiences this year. I know it's a bit late for this year, but since this year is the first time I'm doing it all I want to make sure it's good advice that works before sharing!

What have you been doing to prepare for the big day? Are you going homemade this year too? Let me know in the comments!

Our tree looking pretty!

Update on Life

Hi everyone!

I'm safely back at home and resting up so thought I'd share a little update with you. :)

The op went well and I came home Saturday evening after almost 24 hours of sleeping in the hospital. I even kicked out my visitors so they wouldn't have to watch me sleep! Since then I've been napping at least twice a day, snacking on plain foods and convincing Tom that I really do need him to set the Wii Fit up every morning so I can check my weight! (I'm more than a little curious how much weight that endo was taking up - results to come once the swelling disappears!)

I was also a lucky lady yesterday when my lovely sister and our friend Andy agreed to take Tom and I to the cinema to see Catching Fire (which I adored in case you're wondering, go watch it!). It was a bit of an expedition requiring a hot water bottle (got some funny looks for that), a pillow being seatbelted to my stomach and pre-warning of all the jumpy bits, but it was worth it and I rested all evening to make up for it.

I also had a visit from the amazing Rachel, who put up with my constant babbling with a smile. I've only seen family since the op so I probably dazed the poor woman and I wouldn't be surprised if her ears are still ringing!

Plans for the rest of the week include training Tom on the business elements of Social Media so he can help me with my new business, making a start on homemade Christmas presents before the Secret Santa deadline and having a lot of chicken soup which is my current food craving!

Hopefully I might find some time between all the napping and eating to write a blog post or two as well. ;)

Have a good week!
xx

Hospitals, Hormones and The Traumatic Incident of the Dog in the Evening.

Monday marked exactly 1 month from the day I was discharged from hospital, which surprised me! It seems like no time at all! To celebrate, yesterday I went to the doctors for my second Zoladex implant and to the hospital for my post-op check up. Seems like an odd way to celebrate, but that's the medical profession for you. ;)

I'm happy to say that all went well. The implant wasn't half as scary as I was worried it would be! As for the hospital check up, everything was better than they'd expected, which can only be good! Both cysts have shrunk - the larger one is now half the size which is pretty impressive! So they're happy to go ahead with my next surgery in October, which is great news.

The only downside so far are the mood swings and hot flushes. I've not quite turned into a fire-breathing city-destroying monster, but irritability is never too far and more recently I've been feeling quite fragile and easily upset. Not to mention turning into a furnace at the drop of a hat!

This all came to a spectacular explosion after a particularly traumatic incident yesterday evening with the neighbours dog that left me a shaking mess in our hallway! (No dogs or Amis were hurt, just mentally scarred for life...)

So if I'm snappy, over-react or just seem plain grumpy, please forgive me. There is hormonal warfare currently taking place in my body and right now I'm not winning!

News and Promises

Hi all!

Has it really been 5 months since I last posted? The time really goes fast!

This time I have a legitimate excuse and hopefully my promise to blog more regularly can be kept from now on. I've had all manner of health problems since April and all my energy has been put into keeping up work and having something that resembles a social life! After months of doctors looking at me with a puzzled expression, I was finally taken into hospital 2 weeks ago and all was revealed.

I've been suffering from severe endometriosis (information can be found here) which has led to a lot of pain, tiredness and general grumpiness over the months. I was in hospital for a week, had a minor op to find the problem and fix it, and my health has been improving dramatically ever since! I'm immensely grateful for all the doctors and nurses I came into contact with, they are all incredible people and the care I received was second to none. So thank you to all the staff at Southmead Hospital Cotswald Ward for your help. :)

So there's the news, now for my promise!

I'm completely changing my life, from the inside out. I've already got more energy and that's only increasing each day, so it's time to do something with it. :) I'm going to be tackling our finances harder than ever before (3 weeks off work isn't cheap!), overhauling my diet to get my health back up to scratch and getting crafty again as I find things to do during my recovery. All of this means I'll have plenty to blog about, so that's what I'll be doing!

I won't be promising a daily update, as that was very difficult to keep up even in peak health. But I can promise 2-3 posts a week and possibly some featured posts or guest posts to supplement my own. :)

And that's all I have for you today! I'm off to be inspired by recipes, project ideas and frugal blogs. ;)